Meditation Meddlers
by Sailorstar165
Summary: Lavi loves NASCAR racing, and the only place with reception is Kanda's meditation room... Co-written with kurai tenshi136, inspired by something stupid my dad said. One Shot


**Inspired by something stupid my dad said ("Why don't you put that -Man wallscroll in the basement with my racing stuff?"). Co-written with** **kurai tenshi136. Enjoy.**

* * *

Normally, everyone would avoid the room Kanda used for meditating. Occasionally, Lenalee would join him to avoid a certain person, but other than that, people left Kanda alone. Well, scratch that. There was one other person who would come to annoy Kanda there, and he always brought half the Order on those few and far between days...

"Yuu-chan!" Lavi whined, pulling Kanda's ponytail. "The race is gonna start soon!"

Kanda shot Lavi a glare. "I don't care about your stupid NAPCAR or your stupid races. Take your beer and get out of here. NOW."

"It's NASCAR, Bakanda," Allen pointed out, "and we can't leave. This is the only place in the Order that gets good reception for that channel."

Kanda twitched and reached for his Mugen. He looked disapprovingly at the two boys who were interrupting his meditation. "What exactly is this _NASCAR_ you're so excited about?" he finally asked, eyebrow raised.

"I already explained it to you, Yuu-chan!" Lavi exclaimed. "Obviously you didn't get it the first time around then." Kanda muttered something acidly, getting more annoyed by the minute. "Fine, I'll explain it again!"

Lavi sighed dramatically and paused. "Komui made a machine that lets you go to the future. When we got there, we saw a race of horseless carriages going at unheard of speeds..." Lavi trailed off.

"Around 200 miles per hour," Allen recalled.

Lavi nodded. "So we brought back this box that lets us see the race without actually being there, but this is the only room we get reception... Komui's still working on it because the reception is coming from another dimension and all..." the redhead finished.

"You're all insane," was the only conclusion Kanda could come to after hearing this explanation.

"If it makes you feel any better, I don't get it either," Lenalee interrupted, now joining the conversation.

Lenalee's interruption didn't help matters. He glared at her, but couldn't say anything to her or else her brother would mutilate him. So instead, he decided to take his anger out on the apprentice Bookman and the Moyashi.

"Get out. Now."

"No can do," Lavi said, setting the TV down and sitting right next to the samurai. He popped open his beer. "We wanna watch the race."

Kanda drew his Mugen again, but decided he was fighting a losing battle. The stupid rabbit was determined. "Che. Whatever. Just be quiet."

The swordsman tried to go back to his meditation, but all the noise from Lavi and Allen setting up this mysterious moving picture box from the future was distracting his efforts. Kanda at last gave up and was overcome by curiosity when they were about to finally turn the TV on.

The screen lit up, and there was a loud static hiss because it wasn't getting reception yet and was instead getting interference. Kanda jumped to his feet, sword drawn defensively, slightly startled by the sudden loud noise.

"Whoa! Calm down Yuu-chan!!! It's ok," Lavi reassured him.

"Get that... that _t_hing out of here, you stupid rabbit!!!" Kanda demanded angrily, not taking too well to his first introduction with a television.

Lenalee put her hand on Kanda's shoulder to reassure him and stood between him and the TV so he wouldn't attack it while Lavi and Allen worked on getting a signal.

"Komui said to put it on Channel 3, I think..." Allen directed.

"No, he said Channel 99!!!" Lavi argued back.

"I know what I heard and he said 3!" Allen snapped, getting frustrated with setting it up.

Lenalee sighed and yelled at the two, "Then just try both channels!" She knew their arguing was just upsetting Kanda even more.

In the end, both exorcists were wrong about the channel, and Lenalee told them Channel 8, which was the correct guess. Lavi and Allen sat, eyes practically glued to the flashing box.

Now that the static was gone, Kanda sat back down and went back to meditation. It was difficult to tune out all the noise, but he was used to tuning out Lavi, which was about the same level of noise.

Or, it was until Lavi started shouting at the screen!

"YEAH!!! GET 'ER DONE JUNIOR!!!" Lavi shouted at the TV—as if him shouting would have any effect on the outcome of the race.

Luckily, Allen was being quiet, or Kanda would have gone on a killing spree because he could stand Allen a lot less than Lavi. The white-haired boy was more fascinated by the TV itself than the actual race.

Lenalee, on the other hand, didn't understand why Lavi was yelling at the box and sat there rolling her eyes muttering something about 'stupid boys' under her breath.

"Will you shut up?" Kanda growled at Lavi.

Lavi tilted his head at the samurai right next to him. "Why? Am I bothering Yuu-chan?"

"Call me that one more time. I dare you."

Lavi pouted and went back to his race. His eyes widened, then he jumped up, spilling his beer all over Kanda. "YEAH JUNIOR!!!!!!!!!" he shouted at the top of his lungs.

Now Kanda was mad. He was dripping with beer and gripped his sword with murderous intent.

Lavi felt the tension in the air. He immediately realized he had set Kanda off and stopped cheering almost as quickly he had started "Y-Yuu-chan?!" he chattered nervously as he turned to face a very pissed off Kanda.

Kanda twitched. "I thought I told you," he drew his Mugen, "to stop calling me that!" He swung his sword.

Just then, the door opened, causing everyone to freeze. There stood Komui, his arms laden with bags of chips. "Hey guys! Wanted to see if..." he trailed off. "Did I miss something?" he asked, a more than a little confused.

Lavi thanked his lucky stars that Komui walked in when he did. Otherwise, Kanda would've sliced him to bits by now.

Komui assessed the situation and could conclude that the group was obviously interrupting Kanda's meditation time because he was very routine with his meditation and training. Any deviation from his set routine put him in a _very_ bad mood. Komui wasn't sure what he could do to remedy the situation, but then got a great idea...

"How about Kanda-kun goes meditate somewhere else while we use this room?" Komui suggested, a grin on his face.

"How about _no_?" Kanda hissed through gritted teeth.

Komui sensed that he wasn't going to get positive results from this approach and paused a moment to change his game plan up a bit.

"I have a special assignment for you," Komui informed the angry samurai. "A special assignment..."

"It's my day off, Komui! Why wasn't I informed of this assignment?" Kanda asked, suspicious of the whole thing.

"This assignment just came in. It's not terribly difficult... but it's not something I'd trust Allen or Lavi to do without messing it up... I need someone who doesn't make mistakes," Komui led on.

Lenalee knew when her brother was lying, and right now he was lying up a category five storm. She was sure Komui was going to send Kanda off to pick up a "mysterious, but very important package" from some Finder waiting in town which would turn out to be Komui's dry-cleaning or groceries. However, Komui seemed to have an even better fake assignment for Kanda to do today...

"I need you to go to Germany and pick up something that must be kept secret from the Earl," Komui said. "A Finder there has it, but it's too dangerous for him to go out with the Akuma hanging around there. It's vital that you, Kanda, defeat the Akuma there and bring me the package the Finder has with him. Can I trust you to do this?"

Okay, so it was the usual "pick something up" mission, but at least Komui had made it sound a little more important that the last one he used to rid them of an annoyance. Last time he had told Allen he had to get something from a Finder in town, and it had simply been a component for yet another robot. Lenalee had to wonder what it was Komui was sending Kanda out to get, though.

The samurai in question glared at Komui, then stood. "Fine, I'll do it, but only because there's Akuma involved." He adjusted Mugen at his hip, then set out.

Komui had written the directions on a piece of paper for Kanda to follow and then quickly headed to his office to make a phone call to arrange for a Finder wait for Kanda with the package. It was a wonderful plan because they had already sent a Finder there to investigate reports of an Akuma near the village.

Komui returned and sat down to enjoy the race now that the grumpy samurai was gone. Lenalee glared at her brother. "You shouldn't send Kanda off on fake missions, Brother. What if there's an actual emergency and we need him?"

"The place I sent him had actual reports of an Akuma. We sent finders to investigate, so this would have turned into a mission anyway," Komui explained.

"Haven't you ever heard the story of 'the boy who cried wolf?'" Lenalee asked, still not satisfied.

Komui grinned at his sister. "No worries!" He turned his eyes on the TV and was instantly absorbed by the race, just as Lavi and Allen were.

_Men,_ Lenalee thought angrily before leaving the meditation room.

* * *

Kanda followed the directions and got on the train that would take him to the town. _Something about this mission seems off... In fact, _everything_ about it seems off... Why did I even agree to go on this?_ Kanda thought to himself during the trip. He was so lost in thought he didn't even notice Lenalee sit down next to him until she said hello.

"Lenalee?! What are you doing here?!" he gasped.

"Everyone's watching that stupid race. I figured even this boring mission would be more fun than watching cars drive in a circle for three hours, so I followed you." Lenalee smiled, knowing that Kanda couldn't tell her to go back.

The samurai grumbled, but didn't tell her to leave. "So do you have any idea what it is I'm supposed to be picking up?" he asked at long last.

"My guess is something really unimportant for Komui," Lenalee replied. She looked out the window at the passing scenery. "Judging by where we're going, it's a robot part or something for that TV of theirs."

Kanda muttered something under his breath and then looked up at Lenalee again. "I knew something was off about this whole mission, and I kind of figured it wasn't something 'life or death important'..." Kanda sighed.

"I half expected you to get really angry about this... I'm actually kind of surprised you're taking this so well," Lenalee commented.

"It was an excuse to get away without me having to cave in, admit defeat, and give up the room," Kanda answered lazily and blankly gazed out the window at the passing scenery...

* * *

The race was nearly over, and half of the Black Order was packed into the small room by the time Kanda stormed back in. Komui had sensed the enormous amount of negative energy radiating from the samurai and glanced over at him. Kanda appeared to be carrying something over his shoulder, wrapped in a cloth, but Komui couldn't identify what exactly it was.

"You're back already?!" Komui inquired.

"We got ambushed on the train by Akuma! We had no choice but to return!" Kanda snorted.

"We? What do you mean we?" Komui asked, eyebrow raised.

Kanda pulled the cloak away and motioned with his free hand at the unconscious Lenalee he was carrying. "Is there something you forgot to mention about this mission?" Kanda glared.

Komui ignored Kanda's question and rushed over to Lenalee. "NOOO!!! My Lenalee!" the scientist cried. "What have you done to my Lenalee?"

"I didn't do anything! I just told you what happened! I said we got _ambushed_ by about two-hundred Akuma!" Kanda snapped as he handed Lenalee over to her frantic brother.

Then Kanda eyed the many people in the room all staring at the TV. "Are you done with your stupid show, yet?" he asked darkly.

"Yes. It just ended," Komui said carefully.

"Good. Then you'll have no regrets when I murder you for a pointless mission!" Kanda drew Mugen once more and chased after Komui.

After all was said and done, it was very quiet the following week in the Order... Well, until the next race was on, that is.

**END**


End file.
